HD’s Musings

It’s been an emotional week for me.  I’ve found that since I’ve become a father, I’m much more emotional when it comes to kids, family and friends.  This is an expected outcome of being a parent, and it was magnified this week with both terrible news and amazing news.

On a normal Thursday at work, an e-mail came in from the company CEO letting us know that a co-worker lost her four-month old son the day before.  It was just crushing news.  We still don’t have a lot of the details on what happened, but it really doesn’t matter.  The sadness was complete.  As a parent, I can’t imagine a more terrible thing as to lose a child.  I don’t know Annie well but I just felt crushed for her.  The news put me in a funk as I kept thinking of my Elly and our in-progress baby #2 and how much of my heart they have.

After lunch, in the midst of my funk, I got a text message from one of my best friends Chris.  He and his wife had just arrived at the hospital, ready to deliver their second child into the world.  Less than 1 1/2 hours later, I got a picture message.  Calvin Christopher had arrived, big and healthy.  My emotional roller coaster suddenly flew in the other direction.  I was so excited and happy for Chris and Brea.  Their beautiful family had grown by one and I was overjoyed. 

Thursday encapsulated the spectrum of emotions that you’re subjected to as a parent.  While the happiness a child brings is unmatched, the worry that comes with it has to be managed.  The unconditional love brings with it a deep concern for the object of that love.  That concern can turn into worry very easily.  I already find myself wanting to completely protect and shelter Elly, but I know that she needs to explore and learn - and part of that process involves some risk on her part.  As a parent,  I need to find ways to let her safely do that.  We have a little girl that is equal parts brave, fearless and curious so we’re getting good practice letting out the leash, while still protecting her.

As I sit here on a Saturday morning, my thoughts go out to both families.  I pray for the Staeblers that they can find some solace somewhere and start to heal as a family.  I smile and think of the Ellsworths, bringing Calvin home and keeping big sister Piper from “loving” him too much.  Ok, time to go - I’ve got to dance with my little girl to Yo Gabba Gabba.

…when you’re a first-time Dad learning how to balance work, family, friends and raising a little girl.  So once again it has been an embarrassingly long time since I’ve posted anything.  I’m not exactly sure why, but I have a few theories. 

One is that after spending eight hours in front of my laptop at work, the last thing I want to do is get home and fire the damn thing back up again. 

Another is that once I get home and spend a few hours with Elliott before putting her to bed, I like to spend time with my wife.  Kari and I spend the time talking, watching our DVR’d shows and playing the occasional game of Scrabble.  I don’t want to give up that time to type.

Another theory (and probably the root of all of it) is that I feel pressure to write something “profound” or “witty” or “entertaining” every time I log-on.  This pressure is entirely self-created, but it is real for me.  I first experienced it in grad school when I would write intramural sports “stories” on our MBA class intranet.  I had a blast doing it my first year at Ohio and it was fun.  I made people laugh, I got my writing fix and all was good with the world.  As I got into my second year at OU, it became to feel more like a burden.  I felt pressure to write something funny everytime.  When I didn’t write something, I’d get questions from people about where the update was.  Once I fell behind by a couple, I felt even more need to “come back” with something really fabulous.  It sort of spiraled on from there.

I never even got that far with this blog.  Sure, I’ve got all the real reasons above (spend time with my family, avoid more computer time, etc.) but I know that once I let it slip just a little I felt almost embarassed that I wasn’t more diligent with my writing.  I know this probably all sounds a bit insane since there are probably like 10 people out there who regularly checked this site, but these are all things that roll through my mind.

So, I’m trying a different motivation this time around.  I still want people to read and enjoy, but the main reason I’m writing is for me and for Kari and for Elle.  I want this to be a record of my thoughts and feelings (especially because my memory is such shit) as a Dad.  I want it to be a virtual baby book for Elly.  I was reminded of how much fun it can be looking back as I re-read some of my old blog entries on this site.  Hell - I wrote almost 4500 words as a running diary of Kari’s labor and birth and I really believe that it will be fun to compare this to our experience with Baby #2 and for our family to read in years to come.

So, once again I venture out with the intention of being a dedicated blogger.  I hope you enjoy it along the way, but mainly I hope that I can stay motivated to write for myself, my wife and my kids.  More to come soon…

Holy cow, where did the time go?  I can’t quite believe that Elliott has already hit the six month mark and that it has been two months since I’ve updated my page.  Talk about a slacker…So what has been going on with me?  Well, first and foremost I love being a Dad.  As mentioned ad naseaum on this site, Elliott is just a joy and brings all sorts of fun and excitement to our lives.  My time with her is primarily divided between the morning hours before I go to work and the evenings after work.  In the morning, Elle is a spitfire.  She wakes up babbling with a smile on her face and once we get that first bottle in her, she’s ready to go!  The jumperoo is a common stop for her in the morning, or we can just put her on the floor and she’ll squeal and talk with us while spinning and crawling around our living room.

At night, she’s starting to wind down and Kari is usually ready for a break.  Her night routine is pretty well established.  After Kari and I eat dinner, there is some play time with Dad and then she gets cereal (or more recently, vegetables).  Bath time follows, with a bit more play time and one last bottle before heading to bed around 8:00.  Bedtime can be hit or miss.  Some nights, she’ll go right down with just a bit of rocking and cuddling, other nights she’s, shall we say, more difficult.  Dad can handle it until it gets to about a seven - then we call in Kari and her magic Mom touch to put her to sleep.  Now, I’m capable of getting her to go to sleep on those more raucous nights - don’t want you to think I’m some helpless Dad - but for everyone’s sanity, Kari’s touch can soothe much quicker on that rare night that Elle is a challenge.

Her development rate is still staggering and I have fun watching her crack the code on whatever her newest challenge is.  I’m of course convinced that she’s a budding genius, but that just might be fatherly pride talking…

It has been fascinating to look back at pictures of her from those first few months and see how much she has changed and how much we’ve been through.  Kari is still looking for work, but is staying on top of the job search and I’m confident that someone is going to give her a chance soon.  She’s so good at what she does that whoever finally snatches her up is going to get a superstar.

Work for me has been hectic.  Our scope of services with MillerCoors has caused some changes on our team at GMR, some good and some bad.  Fortunately, the good has been on the NASCAR team.  We’re now handling all things NASCAR so that means I get to work on Coors Light and its official sponsorship with NASCAR, along with Miller Lite’s sponsorship of the #2 car.  In the process of our team changes, I’ve been promoted to Account Supervisor, managing the day-to-day activation for both brands and working closely with Penske, NASCAR and the MillerCoors brand teams.  It’s a nice recognition of the work I’ve done and refreshing to be working on multiple brands after spending 2+ years focused solely on Miller Lite.

I’ve got a few other blog posts in the hopper so it won’t be another two months before the next one…

In honor of my little girl hitting the four month mark two days ago, I wanted to share four lists of four with you today.  As you can tell from reading this website and see when Kari and I talk about her, we are just smitten with Elliott.  She’s a joy to behold every day and never ceases to bring a smile to our faces.

Without further ado, here are four lists (in no particular order)…

Favorite Books to Read
1. Three Little Caterpillars - as mentioned in a post from a few weeks ago, she still just lights up when those butterflies open up on the last page.

2. The Monster at the End of This Book - a classic tale that I remember my Mom reading to me when I was little.  Grover (one of the truly underrated Sesame Street characters) is terrified to see more and more pages being turned as he fears the monster at the end of the book.  The ingenious twist at the end is that Grover is the monster we find there.  This book will get even more fun to read when Elle can appreciate her Dad’s Grover impression.

3. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See? - another classic book that runs through the colors of the rainbow on a variety of animals.  Our favorite is the end of the book that shows all nine colored animals where we go over the colors and the sounds that the animals make.  The only challenge is the goldfish’s sound as she hasn’t seen Goldfish crackers yet and is too young to get it when I say “CRUNCH” as the sound it makes.

4. Mahal and the Search for a Real Mom - for those Milwaukeans reading this blog, you might be familiar with the story of Mahal - a baby orangutan at the Milwaukee County Zoo.  For those of you who aren’t, the Cliff’s Notes version goes like this - Mahal is born at the Denver Zoo and his birth mother rejects him.  They find a surrogate at the Denver Zoo, but she dies shortly after.  A nationwide search is put on and ultimately Mahal is sent to Milwaukee to be raised by MJ.  Kari and I loved that story when it first was told in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and, as a gift to me, Kari bought the children’s book before Elle was born so I could read it to her.  It’s a great story and Elle gets to visit Mahal and MJ with our Zoo Pass!

Things that Always Make me Laugh
1. Elliott’s Stinky Baby Farts - and yes, I realize that I’m 30 years old and I should be over scatological humor, but I challenge you to not chuckle when Elle lets one rip.  Just this morning, as I was bent over her (one of her new things is to grab at Mom and Dad’s faces) she ripped one right in my face.  That’s funny.  Another favorite of mine is when you’re burping her and it comes out the wrong end.  At least she’s getting that gas out!  She also does a great motorboat impression…

2. When Elle Attacks a Rattle - now that she’s in the age of “everything goes into my mouth,” she is always looking to grab and chew.  She has a variety of soft rattles that we give her, mostly shaped like animals, and sometimes she will hold it in front of her, get very excited (eyes widen, shakes slightly) and then WHAM! - that thing is shoved into her mouth with such vigor there is a 50/50 chance she’ll choke herself or poke herself in the eye.  All we can see is her squinted eyes and whatever part of the rattle is left out of her mouth. We have a picture of her attacking her crocodile rattle on the most recent slideshow posted.

3. Elle’s Refusal to Roll Over on Camera - this has been mentioned a few other times on our blogs, but Elliott will not, under any circumstance, roll over when we have the video camera out.  We’ve tried every trick we know and all we have is just minute-after-minute of her lying on her tummy, alternately drooling and smiling, but definitely not rolling.  One of these days she’ll do it for us but until then I just have to laugh at our attempts and what is probably going through her little mind.  I’m also working hard to convince myself that she’ll grow out of this stubbornness and be an agreeable teenager…

4. Her Belly Laugh - this is something she has only done a handful of times and I was finally lucky enough to hear it last week.   If Elly is in just the right position and in the right mood, she’ll laugh like a little kid.  Not her little baby “laughs” where she opens her mouth up wide and sort of squeaks and smiles her way to a laugh - actual giggling laughter.  Kari and her Mom, Sue, first heard it when I was out of town a few weeks ago but it hadn’t reappeared.  Well, last Wednesday, she laughed for her Daddy and I laughed right alongside of her.  She was lying on her back on her activity mat just kicking and playing away.  She was in good spirits - as usual - and I was standing over her making faces at her and smiling away.  I then made a little farting noise with my tongue/lips and she made the funniest face at me.  So I did it again.  Another funny face and a bit more excitement from my girl.  So I tried it a third time.  And she laughed.  Hysterically.  I made the noise again.  More laughter!  My daughter thought the farting noise was the funniest thing she had ever heard.  Her giggles lit up my soul.  Kari was getting ready in our bathroom but I wanted her to hear it.  I tried yelling for Kari but didn’t want to ruin the magic.  I kept dropping the noise on Elliott and she kept answering with her little girl laughter.  I finally got Kari’s attention but when she came into the room, Elliott’s eyes went right to her (which is very common) and the spell was broken.  It didn’t matter.  I heard the laughter and got a little sneak preview into what our little girl is going to sound like a year from now.  It was so funny to laugh along with her and oh so special.

The Different Smiles of Elliott
1. The “Smirk” - Elle is a happy baby (have you gotten that yet?) but she occasionally breaks out what can best be described as a smirk.  It is sort of this sneaky little half smile that is equal parts adorable and mischievous.  It will never cease to make me chuckle as I see my sneaky little girl smirking at me.  I’d love to know what is going through her little head.

2. The “Sleepy Smile” - her morning wake-up routine has turned into one of our favorite parts of the day.  Elliott is a great sleeper but does wake up occasionally.  If she loses her pacifier or breaks out of her swaddle, she’ll fuss or squawk a bit and once we fix whatever’s bothering her, back to sleep she goes.  Our cue to know if it is time to get up or not is to look for the smile.  She sees us in the morning and without us even prompting, she breaks into a smile.  It’s a great way to make 6:30 in the morning feel better.  Her eyes are still hazywith sleep and her fuzzy hair is messed up in the back, but she still greets us with a great smile that says, “Hi Mom and Dad - I’ve been waiting for you!”

3. The “Spit-Up Smile” - this smile is just as it sounds. Elliott, like most babies, does her share of spitting up.  The volume and velocity changes from feeding to feeding, but you can guess that at some point after eating she’ll spit up.  It always amazes me that as soon as she’s done, no matter how violent, she greets us with a big ol’ smile.  Her eyes are usually watery and red, she’s covered in partially digested breast milk and is generally drooling, but she smiles away, completely oblivious to whatever mess she just made.

4. The “Giant Smile” - this smile is quickly becoming her trademark.  It is most often seen when looking at her Mom from across the room, but she’ll also break it out for good ol’ Dad.  The giant smile takes over her entire face.  She opens her mouth as wide as it goes, her eyes squint up and is usually followed by some sort of adorable, excited baby noise.  This smile embodies the simplicity of unbridled joy.  Elle is a happy baby and when she sees the people she loves the most, she can’t hide it - and we’re the luckier for it.

Favorite Elliott Parts
1. Hands - I wrote about this a while ago and they are still perfect.

2. Feet - I would write more about her cute little feet, but Kari is going to write something up featuring them so you’ll just have to wait for that.

3. Hair - Elle was born with a fair amount of brown hair, more than we expected since both Kari and I were relatively hairless when born.  A lot of that newborn hair has since fallen out or been rubbed away (see the back of her head) and is starting to fill in with a light brown hair that can best described as “fuzz.”  It is most fully grown in on the top of her head and stands up in the most adorable way.  Her silhouette is 3″ taller as you can see the light coming through her fuzzy hair standing on end.  When I was a little baby, there are some pictures with similar hair as this that Kari referred to as my “fuzzy duck hair,” and it is fun to see that we have our own little fuzzy duck growing up before our eyes.

4. Eyes - Elliott has bright blue eyes that are full of wonder, kindness and intensity.  Both Kari and I come from families where everyone has various shades of blue eyes, so we just took it for granted that Elle would have blue eyes and they came out a pure blue.  My eyes have hints of hazel, while Kari’s has hints of gray, but Elliott’s eyes that are blue from the whites of her eyes to her irises.  Looking into them, I see countless possibilities, a thirst for growth and learning, and the glint of a funny little personality that I can’t wait to see develop.  They are also filled with a love and need that is so pure and innocent.  I know that will change as she gets older, but I’ll always cherish these days where she looks at me and nothing is clouding her vision of me.  She doesn’t worry about money, stress, responsibilities or anything else.  She’s just happy to see her Daddy and is excited for what we’re going to do in that moment.  I can’t get enough of those moments.

So its been too long since I’ve updated this page.  No good excuses, just time flying by.  Elliott is still the light of our lives.  She might possibly be the happiest baby of all time.  We’re greeted with smiles and her version of laughter whenever she’s awake. 

To start with, she’s definitely figuring out her hands more and more every day.  Nearly everything goes into her mouth, or into her eye when she misses her drooling mouth.  Recently, she’s started to reach for our faces when we’re nuzzling in for a kiss or cuddle.  Everything seems to amaze and interest her and she never fails to blow me away with the comprehension I see developing every day.

She will roll from her tummy to her back - she’s done it quite a few times, but we haven’t been able to capture it on video.  Each morning, we put her on her stomach but as soon as the camera comes out, no rolling for Elle.  We have video to edit and post - just haven’t had the free time at the computer but I’ll get on it. 

My favorite part of each morning is our reading time.  After Kari feeds Elliott, she goes on a run each morning.  I then get some time to read Elliott a few books.  She sits with me so well and enjoys watching the pages and the images.  One of the best things in my development was the love of reading my parents instilled in me.  I wore my Mom out making her read The Three Little Pigs over and over and over again.

I love my reading time with Elly before I go to work each day.

Speaking of work, our family definitely took a hit recently.  For those of you who read Kari’s blog or her Facebook page, you know that GMR laid her off before her maternity leave ended.  It was a shock for both of us and a challenge for our family.  My heart breaks for Kari because she didn’t deserve anything like this, but at the end of the day it was GMR’s loss.  They fucked up by letting such a talented person go.  I’m confident she’ll find something soon and whoever is lucky enough to hire Kari is going to get a talented, accomplished professional who will make their company stronger. 

The silver lining is that she really enjoys her time at home with Elliott and gets a few extra weeks to watch our little girl grow.  Its great for the two of them to spend the quality time together and Kari will be back at work before she knows it.

I spent a few days in Chicago last weekend and it is still hard being away.  Elliott is such a joy and things change so quickly, I hate to miss anything.  Kari does a great job keeping me updated and the greatest thing is video on our cell phones.  Kari can send me :30 clips of our little girl kicking, smiling and “talking” and they totally get me through the day.  I love seeing our little girl via photos and things like that, but nothing beats being able to see and hear her move across the miles.

I’m excited (like I am most days) to see what happens over the next few weeks.  We’ve got the 4-month mark to look forward to, Elliott’s threatening to roll from her back to her stomach and she’s almost big enough to properly use her jumperoo. Big days ahead for the Dawsons!

I’ve gotten to the point where, even though I’m expecting it, I’m constantly amazed by Elliott and her progress.  Seeing this little person grow and develop - from day to day! - is an amazing thing. The latest is her discovery of her hands and how she can use them.  I’m not really sure when this is supposed to be happening, but over the past week or so she’s really been working her hands, specifically putting them into her mouth, extending her fingers and moving them independently of each other - things like that.  So I started forcing the issue and have been trying to get her to grab at her toys.  Our good friends Chris and Brea gave Elliott “Sophie the Giraffe” - it’s a latex squeaky toy that has this great long neck - perfect for little hands to grab.  Starting Friday, I would hold Sophie in front of Elle’s face and then take her fist and physically put her fingers around Sophie’s neck. She would sort of flop it around a few seconds and usually drop it.

Throughout the weekend, any time Elle was in her car seat or bouncy chair, we’d put Sophie in with her and do the same drill of putting it in front of her face and trying to get her to grab it.  She wouldn’t really grab it on her own, but she would use her hands and push it up her chest and would work some part of poor Sophie into her mouth.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon.  Elliott was laying on her back on her activity mat with the usual kicks, punches, yells and general good times she usually has on her mat.  All of a sudden she stopped making noise and moving.  I looked over to check on her and I noticed she was completely still with her closed fist about three inches from her face and she was staring.  Hard.  She held that pose for about a minute and I could just she her little thought forming, “Whoa - this thing I’ve been swinging around and putting in my mouth is attached to me and I control it.”  It was amazing.  She eventually tiwtched and lost her concentration but since that point, it was like something clicked.

This weekend I also noticed that she’ll now look at and follow things you put in front of her, as opposed to the scattershot randomness of the first 10 weeks.  Wherever her bobbling head took her line of vision, that’s what would get her attention.  Now she’ll actually look at things and follow them with some semblance of thought or control.  A cool example was a book I was reading to her.  The book is a standard book until you get to the last page where it is a pop-up with three huge, colorful butterflies.  When I got to the last page, her little face little up with wonder, awe and a bit of fear when those butterflies were hovering in 3-dimensional glory.  She was actually able to react to something that was put in front of her.  That was a very big moment for me to witness.

So now we’re on to Sunday morning.  Elle woke up around 6:00 (after sleeping around eight hours!) and after Kari fed her, she brought Elle to visit Daddy in bed.  We generally sit up and smile at each other and she tries to ignore her Dad’s morning breath and I try to catch any milk she spits up before it hits our sheets.  So I grabbed Sophie and held her in front of Elliott to see what kind of progress we might be making.

I put Sophie in front of her and instantly I see concentration in her little blue eyes.  Both hands start sort of twitching and she starts to get a bit excited.  It was like she knew what to do, but her hands just wouldn’t quite cooperate.  I was totally mesmerized.  I’m convinced she’ll figure it out within the next week, but it could be another month for all I truly know.  What I do know is that it is completely thrilling to watch the development happen right before my eyes.  I imagine synapses lighting up and neurons firing across her young, wrinkled little brain.  The leaps and bounds in progress is just awe inspiring to witness first hand in something that I helped create!

Whoever knew that grabbing at a rubber giraffe could be so much fun?

We had a great time here in Milwaukee last weekend as we had a crew of our Minnesota friends in to visit and all three couples brought babies with them!  As some background, I still keep in close contact with a variety of people from high school, but there has been a gang of five of us who have been close since our days wandering the halls of Lakeville High School. Today, 12 years (!) after graduation two of us, myself and Josh Silva (married to Andrea), live here in Milwaukee while the other three, Chris Ellsworth (married to Brea), Josh Wilske (married to Grace) and Pete Feig (married to Emily, who was also a Panther), live in Minnesota.  We’re all happily married (each playing well above the rim) and four of us have children (the Silvas have a dog, Nike) 13 months and younger.

Both we and the Silvas have purchased homes recently and the arrival of Elliott spurred the visit.  They all got into town late Friday night and the first mass gathering of the babies happened in the Silva’s living room.  Ethan (Josh and Grace’s 13-month old son) and Zachary (Pete and Emily’s 9-month old son) were all wound up from sitting in the car for 5 ½ hours so they came out guns blazing.  Crawling everywhere, piling on top of each other and have a grand old time.  Piper (Chris and Brea’s 8-month old daughter) had been in town for a few extra days but wasn’t to be left out from the fun.  Elliott, at just nine weeks, was comfortably sleeping and couldn’t care less about the madness happening at carpet level.

Piper trying to figure out why her Mom is holding another baby...

Pete pointed out early on how now that we have kids, our gatherings will gravitate to the floor as we all watch, laugh and separate the kids as they roll around each other.  His observation would be confirmed a number of times throughout the weekend.  We didn’t stay too late Friday night but the festivities continued Saturday.

With Piper (she likes to stand)

Kari and Zachary

Pete and Elliott

The group met at our house for lunch and the kids were reunited.  We moved everything in our entertainment center above three feet to protect it from Zach - one of his favorite things to do is to crawl to furniture and pull himself up to stand and grab.  Ethan is able to go down stairs so him and his Dad took a trip (intentional) down our stairs as we have about twice the amount that the Wilske’s split level has.  His smile going down made me appreciate the wonder of stairs all over again.  Elliott got in the act by laying on her activity mat in the midst of it all.  Piper and Ethan both joined in on the fun by tugging on her mat’s various hanging sea creatures.

Elliott and Ethan playing on the activity mat!

Piper and Zachary getting in on the activity mat action

We then ventured back to the Silva’s house (after a few naps mixed in for good measure) for a BBQ and to enjoy the night.  The party moved from the carpet to the grass in the backyard.  We finally got a group photo of all the kids together (Nike even joined in!) and just had an all around great night of cornhole, good food, cold beer and great friends.

It was a weekend full of moments where you step back and really appreciate your life and how things have progressed.  It really is remarkable for this group to still be such good friends and still be so close after all these years and all the miles we’ve all traveled.  We spent countless hours in high school and college playing basketball, volleyball, video games and cards.  We didn’t let the fact that we were going to schools in Minnesota, Wisconsin, West Virginia and Massachusetts get in the way.  We all met wonderful women and they have all become friends along the way.  Now we’re starting our families and it was amazing to see our kids “playing” together now.

The Kids (from left): Nike, Piper, Elliott, Ethan, Zachary

We joked around that our kids don’t have a choice about being friends so we’re starting them young.  Two boys and two girls - Piper was happy to have Elliott join the gang so she was no longer outnumbered - now it’s up to the Silvas to break the tie.  Right now the developmental differences are pretty profound, but in reality they are all essentially the same age.  Elliott and Piper will be in the same grade (we’ll see which class Zachary ends up in with his August birthday) and Ethan will be the “old” one as he’s a whole 3-4 months older than Zach and Piper and ten months older than Elliott.

As a father, it was crazy to see the kids as they all seemed so big compared to Elliott, but I remembering holding all of them when they were her size.  To think about her being that big, or her crawling all over the place or even walking is almost too much to think about.  Right now, time with Elle is measured in days as she always seems to be reaching milestones or having a “first.”  Kari mentioned to me how proud she felt just to see our daughter amongst all these other wonderful kids - it really was a special weekend.

I feel so blessed and so lucky to have friends like these in my life.  To keep any friend for 10 - 15 years is remarkable, and to have a group this large manage to stay together is wonderful.  As our lives continue to get more complicated with marriages, houses and children, we’ve managed to stay close and include all the wonderful new parts of our lives in our friendship.  To my good friends - thanks so much for making the trip, can’t wait to see you again!

As Elliott has been in our lives for almost eight weeks now, I’ve been lucky enough to modify my work schedule so my travel has been greatly reduced with her arrival.  My job generally requires me to travel 1-2 weekends a month and that’s a lot for a father of a newborn.  I’ve got co-workers who have been going in my place, but duty calls and I need to head to Charlotte this weekend.  I fly out tomorrow morning at 6am and return Monday morning.  4+ days away from my little girl.  It’s going to be even harder than I thought it would be when I used to think about having to travel in the general sense.  I know it isn’t earth-shattering and I know a lot of parents have to travel even more than I do, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Elliott is at an age where she’s changing so rapidly.  It is amazing to think of how she changes from day-to-day and how far she’s come in the past eight weeks.  Just in the past few days, she is starting to follow objects and people when they move.  She’s starting to reach out and try to grab her sheep “friends” on her swing’s mobile.  Hell - she’s wearing size 1 diapers now!

Things move at such a rapid pace, I hate missing even a day.  I know she’s in great hands with Kari and Elle will still give me her special little smile and laugh when I play with her, but I know she’s going to be different and a little bigger when I come home Monday.

Part of me thinks that I’ll get used to having to travel and I’m sure childhood development specialists will probably tell me that she’s too young to notice my absence.  But I don’t want to get used to it.  I want to feel a little pain when I have to go away so my return is all the better.

And I want to believe that she will miss me.  She’ll wonder why she hasn’t held onto her Dad’s thumbs while he tells her about the upcoming day.  She’ll wonder why Dad isn’t holding her hand while he feeds her a bottle early in the morning.  She’ll wonder why she hasn’t gotten to take a nap on her Dad’s chest for a few days.  Don’t worry - I’ll explain it all to her and she’ll understand.  She’ll know how much her Daddy loves her and he’ll be back home soon to show it.

Kari and I are preparing to have Elliott baptized later this summer and as part of that process, our church has a 1 ½ hour baptism class for each couple to participate in. Our class was last Wednesday night.  What happened at that class MUST be shared with the world.  The class consisted of Deacon John, a deacon in training, a couple from the church that was sitting in on the class to learn about facilitating them and finally, five couples that wanted to have their child baptized.  The class was pretty laid back.  They went over some of the details of the baptism, its importance, etc but a large amount of our time was spent talking as couples with new babies.

We shared in two ways - through a family introduction and in talking about “God moments” we’ve experienced.  The “God moment” was where we each shared a moment in our lives where we had seen/felt God and the Deacon wanted us to think about how those feelings/emotions/messages could be shared with our child, and all of that starts with baptism.

The introductions were pretty standard.  Names, occupations, details about the baby, how we met, etc.  We’re going around the circle and it started off with a funny exchange around the occupations of the first couple:

Restaurant Manager Dad: “My wife and both work as restaurant managers. She manages a Qdoba and I manage a restaurant in Greenfield.” (slightly shifting in his seat)
Deacon John: “Oh. What restaurant do you manage?”
Restaurant Manager Dad: “Umm. The..uh…Hooters on Layton.” (unsure if he just sinned by mentioning Hooters in a church)
Deacon John: “Oh! Hooters. Oh yes - they have really good chicken wings!” (shockingly earnest in his appreciation for the food)
Rest of the Guys at the Table: (laughing) “Yeah - the wings there are good. Yeah” (more laughter)
Deacon John: “No, no, they really are good. Um, they have a unique flavor and they are quite good. Well, very good - thank you for sharing.”
Restaurant Manager Dad: “Uh, no problem at all.” (now uncomfortable because he got the exact immature reaction which caused him to keep it general in the first place).

We all got a good chuckle out of that one, but little did we know what was yet to come.  Kari and I did our little presentation and passed it along to the couple to our right.  They were a bit older (mid to late 30s) than the rest of the group and just seemed slightly odd.  They were throwing around personal information like it was no big deal.

We quickly learned that they adopted from a woman who was impregnated by an illegal immigrant.  The biological father wanted to fight for custody, but he had no legal rights as a non-citizen so the process has been long and painful for them.  We also learned that the wife has a genetic condition that causes profuse sweating in her hands so she had to be fingerprinted five times for the adoption proceedings before the prints were acceptable.

The wife also dove into her struggles with infertility and all of the guilt, pain and hardship that came with it.  She got really emotional and upset talking about it - to the point where I felt the urge to pat her shoulder or give her some sort of reassurance - and her husband showed absolutely ZERO interest in comforting her.  It was bizarre.  Here this lady is crying and talking about guilt that makes her feel like it was “her fault” and the dude didn’t lift a finger to comfort her.  He just stared ahead blankly, listing slightly to the left as his circa-1993 pager weighed him down.

So even after all of that, the biggest bombshell was about to hit.  The wife finishes all of her personal confession and details and they seemed to be finished. Little did we know, they were just starting…

Deacon John: “Before we move on, how did you two meet?”
Odd Duck Dad: (looking at his wife) “I’ll take this one, OK?”
Odd Duck Mom: (slowly nods)
Odd Duck Dad: “Well, we’ve known each other for 28 years.”
Deacon John: “Oh wow - so you grew up together?”
Odd Duck Dad: “Yeah. She probably doesn’t want me to say this, but we’re first cousins.”
Everyone Else in the Room: (to themselves) “WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT??”
Cousin Mom: (after waiting a beat) “But I’m adopted.”
Everyone Else in the Room: (to themselves) “WHEW.  WAIT.  ARE THEY SERIOUSLY FIRST COUSINS?”
Deacon John: (clearly relieved) “Oh, well that’s um…uh…good and interesting and ok.”
Cousin Mom: “We had to get special dispensation from the bishop and everything.”
Cousin Dad: “Yeah, we had to prove there was no consanguinity.”
Deacon John: “Oh yeah - gotta make sure there is no blood relation.”
Everyone Else in the Room: (to themselves) “USUALLY THE WORRY OF BLOOD RELATION ISN’T A CONCERN!!!”
Cousin Dad: “Yeah, so once we were in the clear…”

He continued to ramble on but at that point it didn’t even matter what he was saying.  Strangely, I found myself feeling less weirded out once she said “I was adopted.”  It was still completely mind blowing and I found myself distracted for the rest of the class, but I wasn’t completely revolted once I knew they weren’t related.

Fast forward to the end of the class.  We finished up in the hall and were heading up to the church to go over the physical part of the ceremony - where we’ll stand, where the family sits, etc.  As we’re heading upstairs, I overheard the cousin Dad talking about how his wife grew up in Green Bay and he grew up in Milwaukee so they only saw each other on holidays at “grandma’s house” and that his parents were her Godparents and her parents were his Godparents.  The feeling of disbelief and creepiness washed back over me.  Sure, they weren’t related by blood, but they were COUSINS!  I have 30 cousins - some of them are very nice people, but I never thought about them as anything but a COUSIN!

We got through the rest of the class and got into our car.  Kari and I instantly start talking a mile a minute about the cousin couple.  We then started laughing because we knew at that exact moment, three other baptism couples, the older couple from the church and probably both deacons on their cell phones were talking about the exact same thing.

I’m now left with countless questions…

At what point did their interest in each other blossom?  Did he start liking her before or after he knew she was adopted?  Did their family fight the union?

What about the wedding?  They clearly saved money when it came to inviting extended family…

What did the wedding program look like?  Did they only have to list one set of grandparents?  Were there entries like: “First Reading is by John Smith, father of the bride & uncle of the groom?”

Ahh, so many jokes, not enough time, but the most important question was not asked - WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU EVER SHARE THAT INFORMATION WITH ANYONE?

The good news is that we passed the class and Elliott’s baptism is on for June 28th, 2009. We’re doing it in the same church we were married in which will be special for all of us. Now we’re just hoping we can get her to like bath time a bit better or else she’ll be lifting her voice in “prayer” right as she’s being cleansed of original sin…

Yesterday I experienced one of my first bursts of fatherly pride and it was great. The scenario needs a bit of explaining…

Elliott has been a pretty good breastfeeder from the start, but as she’s getting older it has become sort of hit or miss. Some days she never really gets settled while other days she does much better. The other issue we’ve been having is that she nurses extremely well off of Kari’s left breast and just never gets it done on the right side.

Kari has now dubbed her breasts “Old Reliable” (left) and “Righty” (right).

Elliott had a rough day feeding Tuesday. She fought it the whole time and made things difficult on Kari. She had one decent feeding at the end of the day so we’re just  trying to figure it out.

So back to my moment of pride yesterday afternoon. Kari and I communicate through MSN Instant Messenger at times during the day (she’s perfecting one-handed typing as she holds/feeds/rocks/takes care of the baby with the other) and she has started to give me Elliott’s “report cards” on feedings. Generally speaking, she usually scores a between a B+ and an A on Old Reliable and usually gets a C or worse on Righty.

Wednesday afternoon, we had the following exchange:

KP says (2:53 PM):
    Elliott’s report card:
KP says (2:53 PM):
    Old Reliable:
KP says (2:53 PM):
    A!
Homer D says (2:53 PM):
    woo hoo!
KP says (2:53 PM):
    Righty:

At this point, I’m literally holding my breath. I want her to do well SO BAD it is a little bit embarrassing. I then get the grade from Kari:

KP says (2:53 PM):
    A!

I felt this total glow of pride and excitement for my little girl. She did it!  She cooperated and fed properly on BOTH sides! I’m in my cube getting all emotional and it was great. I can only imagine what I’ll feel when she does something really profound, but for one day at least I was so proud of my little girl’s first straight A report card.