What a Bittersweet Summer It’s Been
I haven’t written anything on this page for awhile–not because I don’t have anything to say–but probably because I have too much to say and I don’t know how to break it all down. I’ve been bottling all of my feelings up–and then unloading unfairly on Homer–and I know that can’t be healthy. So I’m going to give writing a try. Homer tells me it will be therapeutic for me to do so. So, here we go. Consider this my time to vent.
At the end of the day, I am the luckiest girl in the world. I have this beautiful little girl who is the light of my life. Elliott makes everything better. She really does. She doesn’t understand all of the sadness and tough times and stress in the world. She just sees love. She is pure and innocent and I want to do everything in my power to protect her and give her a beautiful life.
And then there is my husband–the man who sees me struggling at times and does everything in his power to make me feel better. I know it breaks Homer’s heart at times to know that I am sad and he can’t do anything to fix it. But, what he doesn’t always realize, is that he does make things better. He always makes things better. Knowing I have him by my side is what keeps me strong. Homer puts Elliott and me first….always. I know he makes personal sacrifices so that I can be happy. If every woman had a husband like Homer, the divorce rate would be 0 percent.
Keeping things on a positive note, I have loved spending everyday this summer with my Elliott. I know this is time together that can never be taken away from us and someday I will look back and be so grateful that we had this bonding time. Plus, we’ve gotten to spend a great deal of time with my parents and family, which also means a lot to me.
As for my employment status, I am still unemployed. I never thought I would say that. It’s been almost two months now. I always thought if I followed directions and did everything right, all would work out. I got good grades, graduated from college, had a zillion internships, excelled in my careers. I made sure I was prepared. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter. I was a dollar sign affecting someone’s bottomline.
Am I bitter? Nah…I wouldn’t say bitter. But I am still pissed off. I understand the economy is in the toilet. I understand business is bad for many companies, GMR included, and that sometimes there is just no work to be had. The thing is–I worked hard for GMR. I was loyal and dedicated and took a great deal of pride in my work for the company and its clients. It hurts me that with one decision, I was out. I feel like all I accomplished during my time there didn’t matter. I’m sure many of my friends and former co-workers feel the same way.
What’s so frustrating (as thousands of others know) is that there are just no jobs out there. Sure, I could take a low-paying position with no benefits or hopes of advancement, but that isn’t good enough. I worked hard to get where I am. I need to support my family. Am I being unrealistic right now? Maybe. And you may be wondering why I am stressing so much about a job and not simply embracing my time as a stay-at-home mom. The bottomline…with a new house, furniture, car, and baby….I can’t afford to be a stay-at-home mom.
I stress about money a lot. I get unemployment benefits each month, but that doesn’t even cover the mortgage. So, we’ve cut out anything and everything extra….including most of our savings and retirement contributions…which sucks big time. Maybe this is just a giant reality check though. I used to be able to go to Target on a Tuesday afternoon and spend $75, no problem. Now, I can’t justify buying anything that isn’t an absolute necessity.
So, I’ve been applying for some positions I’ve seen posted online. I haven’t heard anything back–even for positions in which I know I’d be a perfect fit. I was actually offered one job, but it was only part-time and offered little pay and no benefits and, like I said, I really need a full-time position. I’ve been networking too–meeting with owners of local agencies and PR firms–hoping that when they do need to hire, my name will be on their list of possible candidates. Eventually something is going to work out. I know it’s been less than two months, but it feels like forever.
OK, I didn’t mean to be a giant Debbie Downer, but it did feel good to get some of that off my chest.
Let’s end this again on a happy note. I have an amazing extended family (mom and dad, this includes you!) who loves me and makes personal sacrificies to make things better for us. I have a beautiful, healthy daughter and being her mom is the best job in the world. I have great friends who I adore. I realize money isn’t everything and there are many, many people who have it worse than I do.
And….I must admit…it is pretty nice to go to the zoo or fishing with my dad on a Thursday afternoon while everyone else is at work…. 